Forthingwood Zoo

Norman the youngest of the two polar bears at Forthingwood Zoo strutted around the enclosure like a dog in heat. After a while he got bored and plonked his fat lazy arse down beside Geraldine.

Norman’s sighs and fidgeting she simply ignored. Geraldine was content to do nothing other than digest a hearty breakfast as she soaked up the early morning sunshine, balancing half on and half off a giant rock in what must be an uncomfortable position. “Bugger off.” She said when it was clear that flouting his obvious attempts to strike a conversation were not going to be enough of a deterrent.

Too old and set in her ways, Geraldine was not in the mood for youthful excitement, nor did she care to discuss the eminent arrival of two new bears to the zoo.

As usual, Norman would not take her words as a statement that he should adhere to, so continued to sit.

“I wonder where they come from?” he said, now resigned to the fact no conversation was forthcoming from Geraldine.

“You know me Geraldine? He asked anyway, “I am not in any way, shape or manner a racist, but I do hope the newcomers are white.” Norman continued.

Bemused Geraldine shook her head in disbelief. She had to know. “What are you on about?” she said, and instantly knew she would regret asking.

“I am not going to be no brown grizzly bears bitch boy.” Norman answered.

Mystified, Geraldine told the idiot to fuck off.

“Come and play with daddy white boy.” Norman tried his best to imitate a Brown Jamaican Bear but was unable to hide his Middle English accent.

Geraldine rolled her eyes in disbelief and shook her head.

“I wonder if it’s true.” He said after a short pause.


“If what’s true.” she found herself caught in this crazy conversation.

Norman moved closer, looked one way then another.

Gesturing towards his crotch and in a low voice he asked, “Is it true brown bears have bigger…you know…penises.”

“You are a poof.” She answered, and before he could interrupt, Geraldine burst out into hearty laughter.

“We were only cage mates.” She said. Sitting up now, Geraldine continued to mock in between fits of laughter.

In a huff and hurt, Norman could only mumbled “We were.”

“Bert did this, Bert was better at that, Bert must have had a small fucking dick.” she reeled, sensing a rare moment for glory

Bert was Norman’s last companion before the zoo decided to pair him with a female.

Norman knew he was out of the closet. Raising himself to all fours and shook his head at Geraldine with contempt.

Geraldine was by now uncontrollable with laughter.

All he could manage to say was “Geraldine…sometimes you can be a very spiteful woman.”

Geraldine just laughed louder.

“That’s the last shag you get from me, you, you, you…fat bitch.” Norman said and without further attempt to redeem any dignity, he walked away with his nose in the air.