Treacle

What can I say – embarrassing isn’t close, bury your head in sand and hope the world isn’t looking is more apt. Jack and his obsession with toffee treacle was always going to – excuse the pun – get him into a sticky situation, and situations do not come any stickier than the one he found himself in on that balmy August day.

The evening had started off ok, his charm had worked a dream, and after only an outlay of two half pints of draught beer the lady agreed to accompany him home. 'To ahem, look at his vast stamp collection'

After a bout of mutual ear licking and more than a little giggling at photo albums and tall tales from when he was incarcerated in the local jail for bad deeds, Jack was brave enough to enquire if the ‘lady’ would by chance be interested in being covered in warm sticky toffee treacle. Surprisingly enough she thought it would be a marvellous idea.

After lighting the stove under the vast vat of toffee treacle Jack kept for such occasions, he returned to the living room and continued the courtship. To add to the suspense he asked the ‘lady’ to lie down on the floor while the sweet smelling goo became warm and malleable.

Sadly, some would say tragically, they both fell asleep, and the toffee treacle, left alone boiled over and engulfed them both rendering them unable to move.

The fire-crew that eventually came to their rescue still laugh and talk about the day - for the first and only time - they rescued the stranded lovers helpless in toffee treacle; the subject however is never mentioned in-front of Fire Chief Trustworthy who wasn’t too pleased to find his own wife lying sheepishly surrounded in toffee treacle. They divorced soon afterwards.